100 Tips for a Happy and Healthy Marriage

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  • Wedding Roses

    I am delighted that so many of you have shared insightful comments on a previous post about what makes a marriage/relationship successful.  Many thanks to those of you who took the time to post your comments especially to the couples who have been together for many, many years who shared their insights!

    I have read through all the inspiring submissions and have compiled 100 tips in bullet form below from all the comments you shared.  For the full posts, please see the previous blog.

    100 Tips for a healthy, happy marriage

    1. Prayer and consultation are vital when it comes to solving difficulties
    2. Make prayer and service the center of your lives
    3. Agree not to discuss sensitive issues when one is angry or tired
    4. Have an attitude of loving-kindness when attempting to communicate something difficult
    5. Think more about the well-being of your partner than your own
    6. Don’t criticize the other person but rather encourage them to reach their goals
    7. Before marriage, eyes wide open. After marriage, eyes half shut
    8. Marriage flows best when we both act from a basis of self-respect with deep respect for each other
    9. Clear, open and honest communication is key to a healthy relationship and that includes listening as well as verbalizing
    10. Knowing when to admit you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness
    11. Before marriage, fully acquaint ourselves with each other’s character, cultural backgrounds and upbringing, while constantly trying to improve our communication styles and conflict resolution skills
    12. Get to know well the value system & life priorities of the other
    13. The realization that from the very beginning, it’s about abiding by the will of God collectively, and individually
    14. Before marriage, spend some time traveling or doing a service project together as a way of getting to know each other
    15. Consider their habits, hobbies and attitude to life to see if they complement your own
    16. Find a few minutes to talk every day to chat and catch up
    17. Laugh together and enjoy time together
    18. Have a united vision of what you want in life and a shared approach to raising children
    19. Refrain from having expectations
    20. Communication, honesty and respect are key factors in making a marriage successful
    21. Being on the same page and working as a team when raising children
    22. Know yourself and select a spouse of good character
    23. Loyalty and trustworthiness are the key virtues for a sustainable relationship
    24. Humor, affection, kindness, and response-ability nourish and add sweetness to the bonds
    25. Be flexible and have lots of overlaps in the household roles. Mutual support is key
    26. Learn to resolve differences fairly
    27. Be empathic towards each other
    28. Look at your relationship from a spiritual perspective
    29. Think of the relationship as two pebbles dropped into a pond, each growing outward in mutually overlapping, ever widening, but never wholly consuming concentric circles
    30. Appreciate that there are different “languages of love” such as touch, words, gifts, acts of service, and quality time
    31. Learn the wisdom of when to speak….and when it is kind to remain silent
    32. Forgiveness is key, as none of us is perfect and we all will make mistakes
    33. Practice constantly improving oneself to be a better, more spiritual and selfless person
    34. Appreciate the gifts each of you bring to your marriage
    35. Pray together, hug often, and consult about every topic that affects your lives
    36. Our commitment to truthfulness and integrity help us to trust that we will each do our best every day
    37. On days when we struggle, love and compassion for each other keeps us going and helps us re-balance for the next day
    38. Understand that everyone has shortcomings
    39. Loyalty is everything in a stable relationship, demonstrating your commitment to your partner before and after marriage
    40. Find activities that are enjoyable for both of you
    41. Our spiritual growth strengthens and protects our marriage
    42. Marital well-being requires compromise, sacrifice, letting go and giving up false pride
    43. Be of service together and work as a team on making the world a better place
    44. Marriage is a union of three entities: God, man and woman
    45. Eat dinner together as a family…. whoever does the cooking does not have to do dishes
    46. ALWAYS appreciate even little things and NEVER take each other for granted
    47. Make time for one another so that when careers are set and children are grown we don’t end up strangers to each other
    48. Verbalize your thanks and acknowledge what you do for one another no matter how small
    49. Love of God and of each other was the glue that allowed us to ride the roller coaster of life
    50. Constantly make an effort to bring happiness to the family
    51. Use kind words and a gentle tone of voice
    52. Continually remind yourselves of your partner’s virtues and noble qualities
    53. In every challenge there are always golden lessons to be learned
    54. Each should be the biggest supporter of the other
    55. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy – plan time together to preserve & maintain the relationship
    56. A few minutes each day to connect recharges us physically/emotionally/spiritually
    57. Giving some space for each other’s creativity
    58. Endeavour to improve the spiritual life of each other and together have higher spiritual aims
    59. Find activities that are enjoyable to both of you
    60. Work on the small problems while they are small. If they become big they are hard to deal with
    61. Listen to one’s mind, heart, and “gut” when deciding to get married
    62. Marriage is a commitment with a capital C
    63. Marriage is a practice of compassion, of compromise, of vulnerability, of raw honesty, of courage, all of which require one main ingredient, if not the only one, LOVE
    64. Marriage is not co-dependence. It is a constant growth towards inter-dependence
    65. You can with compassion and unconditional love allow each other to see the light within yourselves and let your spirit shine through
    66. Arise to serve and magic happens
    67. Consult honestly about the complexities of life and our service to humanity
    68. Reflect on your effectiveness and arise to serve again improving, little by little, day by day
    69. Continually nurture your union with service, courtesy, respect and loving kindness
    70. Lasting marriage comes down to humility, humor, patience (with yourself and others), respect and forgiveness
    71. It is vitally important to never go to sleep when you are upset with your spouse
    72. Falling in love without losing your identity or the need to be completed by your partner will bring lasting happiness
    73. The first and most important part of a lasting relationship must begin as friends
    74. Change and growth go hand in hand for a healthy relationship
    75. Healthy compromise is a two way street
    76. Think before you speak. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back
    77. When you have a disagreement, resolve it, move past it and leave it alone
    78. The commitment of marriage should be respected and worked on at all times
    79. Marriage is not a 50/50, but a 100/100 proposition
    80. Let go of your own ego and be concerned with the unity of the relationship
    81. Don’t react with fear, anger, or frustration…be loving in times of difficulties and never get into a “tit for tat!”
    82. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can change your partner
    83. “The imperfect eye beholds imperfection.” And so I have to turn my sight unto myself and realize it is me that needs “fixing,” and seeing with a fault-covering eye begins at home
    84. Master speaking with “words as mild as milk”
    85. When we place service at the top of our lives, a shared vision and harmony permeates our lives
    86. Lots of listening and sharing time
    87. Accept each other as we are, both physically and spiritually
    88. Practice generosity and gratitude and a gentleness of spirit
    89. Being present when you talk with each other and not being distracted by gadgets!
    90. Rather than disconnecting when having an argument, use humour
    91. Go on weekly dates to rekindle the relationship
    92. Accept that there are things you may not agree on and that’s ok
    93. When raising the children, remember to make time for each other
    94. Think of something to do for your spouse each day that will bring them joy
    95. Put away your computer, iPad, phone
    96. Never talk negatively about each other
    97. Cuddle!
    98. Take a short trip together (leave the children with grandparents)
    99. “Willingness” is one of the most important traits to have in order to keep your marriage growing
    100. Tell your partner you love them often!

    And I’ll leave you with a creative comment:
    M ake allowances for the other’s weaknesses and shortcomings
    A ccept your spouse with all his/her smooth and rough edges
    R espond to the other’s needs with a heart full of love and compassion
    R eason issues out 2gether and the day and night can only get better
    I f the fire of love seems to be dimming out and you find that you cannot love him/her the way you used to
    A t least try to be loveable and be present for the other in body, soul, heart and spirit
    G ive, give and give more of yourself and also remember that God is the third being in that relationship. Finally, know that husband and wife should be as two helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of
    E ach other!
    Also see my related post, ‘What to look for in a spouse’? which discusses how to prepare for a successful marriage by finding a suitable mate.

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      Shirin February 14, 2015Reply

      Love this so much!

      jaleh February 14, 2015Reply

      Wow!!!! Fantastic list!

      zekro February 15, 2015Reply

      Dear Elika, you have done a wonderful job to collect this precious list which can help anyone who strives for a happier and more meaningful relationship.

      Name February 15, 2015Reply

      Dear Elika,
      I can not stop reading and sharing. Thank so much.

      Elika January 6, 2016Reply

      Thank you all so much. So glad you all benefited from the list.

    • Pingback: Music Giveaway for a Couple YOU nominate! | Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist

    • Roberta Charles January 7, 2016Reply

      I would love to nominate Douglas R. C. Charles and his wife Nika. They have been together for three years and are heartily devoted to one another. Douglas has just graduated from the University of Washington with his B.S. in Biology. His plan is to continue on and become a Professor teaching at the Community College level, he believes the classes are smaller and he can have an impact on students who are studying Biology. He and his wife are planning on starting a family soon. Douglas was on Pilgrimage this past year during March and was very deeply moved by his experience there. He has been a Baha’i since he turned 15 and is one of the few members of the Haida Tribe to have been so Blessed.

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    • Pingback: Marriage - an ongoing conversation - Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist | Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist

    • Elika January 17, 2020Reply

      More recent marriage tips from 2020

      A Few Recommendations for a Lasting Marriage
      1) Keep it Fresh
      2) Don’t Bail Out
      3) Serve Together
      Keep it Fresh: Continue to go out on dates at least once every other week. Leave behind work, life’s concerns, children, and friends and just take time together. Don’t miss out on the rejuvenation of vacations either.
      Don’t Bail Out: In society today as soon as there is a disagreement it seems like one of the parties heads out the door. Stay together, do the hard work, consult about it, pray about it. With a little meditation you my decide there was some truth in what was said and maybe there is room for you to change a little bit. Years later you’ll realize the work was worth it!!
      Serve Together: Have your own life and your own interest but find time to serve together. Serve your community, your neighborhood, your family, the Cause. The bond we undergo teaching children’s classes together or providing homework help for refugee children is palpable. We forget ourselves, our concerns, and our issues for just a little while when helping others.

      One of the sage pieces of advice which was given to us by a wonderful Persian couple (Dr. Javanmardi and his wife Maheen) On one of our visits to their home we noticed that
      despite their may years of marriage (40 years) their relationship with each other was so loving and fresh. He informed me that it took them a long time to realize that we as human
      beings make lots of mistakes with our spouses, ever knowing that we might have hurt each others feelings, simply because we were unaware.
      What they concluded they would do is that each night when they were ready for bed after offering their evening prayers, they would ask if they had hurt the others’ heart.
      With that they would apologize and try and not make the same mistakes in the future. What they told us was that we should never go to sleep harbouring these feelings.
      So, to now honour this special couple, I pass it along to you.

      You can’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s… each is unique. We have been married just about 20 years now and we were not able to have children yet we’ve discovered that we can still have children in our lives by being active in the community, namely with children’s classes! And personally, I have learned that the more I work on my self-growth and strengthen my own connection to our Amazing Creator, the more fruitful the marriage becomes. Perhaps there is more I could say but I will keep it simple! ☺️

      “Marriage is not a castle

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