100 Tips for a Happy and Healthy Marriage

Wedding RosesI am delighted that so many of you have shared insightful comments on a previous post about what makes a marriage/relationship successful.  Many thanks to those of you who took the time to post your comments especially to the couples who have been together for many, many years who shared their insights!

I have read through all the inspiring submissions and have compiled 100 tips in bullet form below from all the comments you shared.  For the full posts, please see the previous blog.

100 Tips for a healthy, happy marriage

  1. Prayer and consultation are vital when it comes to solving difficulties
  2. Make prayer and service the center of your lives
  3. Agree not to discuss sensitive issues when one is angry or tired
  4. Have an attitude of loving-kindness when attempting to communicate something difficult
  5. Think more about the well-being of your partner than your own
  6. Don’t criticize the other person but rather encourage them to reach their goals
  7. Before marriage, eyes wide open. After marriage, eyes half shut
  8. Marriage flows best when we both act from a basis of self-respect with deep respect for each other
  9. Clear, open and honest communication is key to a healthy relationship and that includes listening as well as verbalizing
  10. Knowing when to admit you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness
  11. Before marriage, fully acquaint ourselves with each other’s character, cultural backgrounds and upbringing, while constantly trying to improve our communication styles and conflict resolution skills
  12. Get to know well the value system & life priorities of the other
  13. The realization that from the very beginning, it’s about abiding by the will of God collectively, and individually
  14. Before marriage, spend some time traveling or doing a service project together as a way of getting to know each other
  15. Consider their habits, hobbies and attitude to life to see if they complement your own
  16. Find a few minutes to talk every day to chat and catch up
  17. Laugh together and enjoy time together
  18. Have a united vision of what you want in life and a shared approach to raising children
  19. Refrain from having expectations
  20. Communication, honesty and respect are key factors in making a marriage successful
  21. Being on the same page and working as a team when raising children
  22. Know yourself and select a spouse of good character
  23. Loyalty and trustworthiness are the key virtues for a sustainable relationship
  24. Humor, affection, kindness, and response-ability nourish and add sweetness to the bonds
  25. Be flexible and have lots of overlaps in the household roles. Mutual support is key
  26. Learn to resolve differences fairly
  27. Be empathic towards each other
  28. Look at your relationship from a spiritual perspective
  29. Think of the relationship as two pebbles dropped into a pond, each growing outward in mutually overlapping, ever widening, but never wholly consuming concentric circles
  30. Appreciate that there are different “languages of love” such as touch, words, gifts, acts of service, and quality time
  31. Learn the wisdom of when to speak….and when it is kind to remain silent
  32. Forgiveness is key, as none of us is perfect and we all will make mistakes
  33. Practice constantly improving oneself to be a better, more spiritual and selfless person
  34. Appreciate the gifts each of you bring to your marriage
  35. Pray together, hug often, and consult about every topic that affects your lives
  36. Our commitment to truthfulness and integrity help us to trust that we will each do our best every day
  37. On days when we struggle, love and compassion for each other keeps us going and helps us re-balance for the next day
  38. Understand that everyone has shortcomings
  39. Loyalty is everything in a stable relationship, demonstrating your commitment to your partner before and after marriage
  40. Find activities that are enjoyable for both of you
  41. Our spiritual growth strengthens and protects our marriage
  42. Marital well-being requires compromise, sacrifice, letting go and giving up false pride
  43. Be of service together and work as a team on making the world a better place
  44. Marriage is a union of three entities: God, man and woman
  45. Eat dinner together as a family…. whoever does the cooking does not have to do dishes
  46. ALWAYS appreciate even little things and NEVER take each other for granted
  47. Make time for one another so that when careers are set and children are grown we don’t end up strangers to each other
  48. Verbalize your thanks and acknowledge what you do for one another no matter how small
  49. Love of God and of each other was the glue that allowed us to ride the roller coaster of life
  50. Constantly make an effort to bring happiness to the family
  51. Use kind words and a gentle tone of voice
  52. Continually remind yourselves of your partner’s virtues and noble qualities
  53. In every challenge there are always golden lessons to be learned
  54. Each should be the biggest supporter of the other
  55. Intimacy, intimacy, intimacy – plan time together to preserve & maintain the relationship
  56. A few minutes each day to connect recharges us physically/emotionally/spiritually
  57. Giving some space for each other’s creativity
  58. Endeavour to improve the spiritual life of each other and together have higher spiritual aims
  59. Find activities that are enjoyable to both of you
  60. Work on the small problems while they are small. If they become big they are hard to deal with
  61. Listen to one’s mind, heart, and “gut” when deciding to get married
  62. Marriage is a commitment with a capital C
  63. Marriage is a practice of compassion, of compromise, of vulnerability, of raw honesty, of courage, all of which require one main ingredient, if not the only one, LOVE
  64. Marriage is not co-dependence. It is a constant growth towards inter-dependence
  65. You can with compassion and unconditional love allow each other to see the light within yourselves and let your spirit shine through
  66. Arise to serve and magic happens
  67. Consult honestly about the complexities of life and our service to humanity
  68. Reflect on your effectiveness and arise to serve again improving, little by little, day by day
  69. Continually nurture your union with service, courtesy, respect and loving kindness
  70. Lasting marriage comes down to humility, humor, patience (with yourself and others), respect and forgiveness
  71. It is vitally important to never go to sleep when you are upset with your spouse
  72. Falling in love without losing your identity or the need to be completed by your partner will bring lasting happiness
  73. The first and most important part of a lasting relationship must begin as friends
  74. Change and growth go hand in hand for a healthy relationship
  75. Healthy compromise is a two way street
  76. Think before you speak. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back
  77. When you have a disagreement, resolve it, move past it and leave it alone
  78. The commitment of marriage should be respected and worked on at all times
  79. Marriage is not a 50/50, but a 100/100 proposition
  80. Let go of your own ego and be concerned with the unity of the relationship
  81. Don’t react with fear, anger, or frustration…be loving in times of difficulties and never get into a “tit for tat!”
  82. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can change your partner
  83. “The imperfect eye beholds imperfection.” And so I have to turn my sight unto myself and realize it is me that needs “fixing,” and seeing with a fault-covering eye begins at home
  84. Master speaking with “words as mild as milk”
  85. When we place service at the top of our lives, a shared vision and harmony permeates our lives
  86. Lots of listening and sharing time
  87. Accept each other as we are, both physically and spiritually
  88. Practice generosity and gratitude and a gentleness of spirit
  89. Being present when you talk with each other and not being distracted by gadgets!
  90. Rather than disconnecting when having an argument, use humour
  91. Go on weekly dates to rekindle the relationship
  92. Accept that there are things you may not agree on and that’s ok
  93. When raising the children, remember to make time for each other
  94. Think of something to do for your spouse each day that will bring them joy
  95. Put away your computer, iPad, phone
  96. Never talk negatively about each other
  97. Cuddle!
  98. Take a short trip together (leave the children with grandparents)
  99. “Willingness” is one of the most important traits to have in order to keep your marriage growing
  100. Tell your partner you love them often!

And I’ll leave you with a creative comment:
M ake allowances for the other’s weaknesses and shortcomings
A ccept your spouse with all his/her smooth and rough edges
R espond to the other’s needs with a heart full of love and compassion
R eason issues out 2gether and the day and night can only get better
I f the fire of love seems to be dimming out and you find that you cannot love him/her the way you used to
A t least try to be loveable and be present for the other in body, soul, heart and spirit
G ive, give and give more of yourself and also remember that God is the third being in that relationship. Finally, know that husband and wife should be as two helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of
E ach other!
Also see my related post, ‘What to look for in a spouse’? which discusses how to prepare for a successful marriage by finding a suitable mate.

10 Comments

    Shirin February 14, 2015Reply

    Love this so much!

    jaleh February 14, 2015Reply

    Wow!!!! Fantastic list!

    zekro February 15, 2015Reply

    Dear Elika, you have done a wonderful job to collect this precious list which can help anyone who strives for a happier and more meaningful relationship.
    Warmly,
    Zekrollah

    Name February 15, 2015Reply

    Dear Elika,
    I can not stop reading and sharing. Thank so much.

    Elika January 6, 2016Reply

    Thank you all so much. So glad you all benefited from the list.

  • Pingback: Music Giveaway for a Couple YOU nominate! | Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist

  • Roberta Charles January 7, 2016Reply

    I would love to nominate Douglas R. C. Charles and his wife Nika. They have been together for three years and are heartily devoted to one another. Douglas has just graduated from the University of Washington with his B.S. in Biology. His plan is to continue on and become a Professor teaching at the Community College level, he believes the classes are smaller and he can have an impact on students who are studying Biology. He and his wife are planning on starting a family soon. Douglas was on Pilgrimage this past year during March and was very deeply moved by his experience there. He has been a Baha’i since he turned 15 and is one of the few members of the Haida Tribe to have been so Blessed.

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  • Pingback: Marriage - an ongoing conversation - Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist | Elika Mahony| Vocalist, composer, pianist, and artist

  • Elika January 17, 2020Reply

    More recent marriage tips from 2020

    A Few Recommendations for a Lasting Marriage
    1) Keep it Fresh
    2) Don’t Bail Out
    3) Serve Together
    Keep it Fresh: Continue to go out on dates at least once every other week. Leave behind work, life’s concerns, children, and friends and just take time together. Don’t miss out on the rejuvenation of vacations either.
    Don’t Bail Out: In society today as soon as there is a disagreement it seems like one of the parties heads out the door. Stay together, do the hard work, consult about it, pray about it. With a little meditation you my decide there was some truth in what was said and maybe there is room for you to change a little bit. Years later you’ll realize the work was worth it!!
    Serve Together: Have your own life and your own interest but find time to serve together. Serve your community, your neighborhood, your family, the Cause. The bond we undergo teaching children’s classes together or providing homework help for refugee children is palpable. We forget ourselves, our concerns, and our issues for just a little while when helping others.

    One of the sage pieces of advice which was given to us by a wonderful Persian couple (Dr. Javanmardi and his wife Maheen) On one of our visits to their home we noticed that
    despite their may years of marriage (40 years) their relationship with each other was so loving and fresh. He informed me that it took them a long time to realize that we as human
    beings make lots of mistakes with our spouses, ever knowing that we might have hurt each others feelings, simply because we were unaware.
    What they concluded they would do is that each night when they were ready for bed after offering their evening prayers, they would ask if they had hurt the others’ heart.
    With that they would apologize and try and not make the same mistakes in the future. What they told us was that we should never go to sleep harbouring these feelings.
    So, to now honour this special couple, I pass it along to you.

    You can’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s… each is unique. We have been married just about 20 years now and we were not able to have children yet we’ve discovered that we can still have children in our lives by being active in the community, namely with children’s classes! And personally, I have learned that the more I work on my self-growth and strengthen my own connection to our Amazing Creator, the more fruitful the marriage becomes. Perhaps there is more I could say but I will keep it simple! ☺️

    “Marriage is not a castle 🏰 you suddenly live in together but a castle 🏰 that you start to BUILD together!”
    It truly can be a fortress of well-being, and a garden of delight… IF both partners take the time to tend to their garden and make efforts to create that sense of well-being.
    And my advice for longevity is definitely being patient, forgiving, and praising God for His blessings every day.

    1) Please remember that The WORLD PEACE starts with each one of us at our home including all our own family members! So, be patient, peaceful, forgiving and kind at all times and under all conditions.
    2) Please make time every day to read, reflect, memorize and meditate with your lifelong partner on the holy writings of The Almighty God to stay focused on the purpose of this temporary life for everyone on this planet, besides obeying The Laws of the Almighty God including saying your obligatory prayers and annual 19-day fasting and following all core activities.
    3) Remember the Greatest Happiness in the world is when you bring Happiness to the life of others! So be very considerate of other people’s needs and never become self-centered and serve the world of humanity to your utmost abilities.
    4) Practice detachment from all aspects of this materialistic world and be content with simplicity and conduct a simple life to be an example to your children, family and your community.
    5) Raise your children spiritual and with good values to change the future world.

    I often feel that the relationship would improve so much if we listen to understand instead of assuming an attack and defending. Also, to take time to see and appreciate the positives. So, if you want crisp sentences, here they are:
    When your partner shares a complaint or discontent with something in your relationship, take time to listen, be curious and understand your partner’s feelings and thoughts before defending yours.
    Listen with detachment from your own viewpoints, reflect, then share your own feelings and perceptions with gentleness and respect.
    Focus on the positives points of your partner and your relationship and acknowledge them to yourself and your partner everyday.
    Take time to spiritually recharge, individually and together.

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